Why You’re Not Lazy: Perfectionism, Avoidance, and the Freeze Response
If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your to-do list, feeling paralyzed by everything you haven’t done, and thinking “Why can’t I just get it together?”—you’re not alone. Maybe you tell yourself you’re lazy, undisciplined, or broken. But the truth is often far more compassionate—and far more human.
As a trauma therapist in Washington, DC and Virginia, I work with many high-achieving, thoughtful people who are deeply frustrated by their own avoidance patterns. They’ll say things like, “I know what I should be doing, but I just can’t seem to do it.” Underneath their self-criticism is a nervous system stuck in overdrive—or shutdown.
Let’s talk about what’s really going on beneath perfectionism, procrastination, and the freeze response—and why therapy can be such a powerful path forward.
The Myth of Laziness
In a culture that glorifies nonstop achievement, slowing down is often mistaken for falling behind. If you’re not constantly doing, producing, achieving—you may feel like something’s wrong with you. But from a trauma therapy lens, what looks like “laziness” is often a protective adaptation—especially if you’ve experienced chronic stress, relational trauma, or high-pressure environments growing up.
Avoidance and paralysis are not signs of weakness. They are signs that your nervous system is overwhelmed—and doing exactly what it learned to do to stay safe.
Perfectionism: The Hidden Driver of Avoidance
Perfectionism often flies under the radar. It masquerades as “high standards” or “just wanting to do it right.”
But for many of my therapy clients—especially creatives, neurodivergent professionals, and those with childhood emotional neglect—perfectionism isn’t about excellence. It’s about fear.
Fear of being judged.
Fear of not being good enough.
Fear of getting it wrong.
When perfectionism takes the wheel, the stakes feel impossibly high. And when everything feels like it has to be flawless—or else—it makes sense that your system might just shut down entirely. This is where avoidance becomes the body’s attempt to keep you safe from perceived threat.
The Freeze Response: When Doing Nothing Is a Survival Strategy
Most people are familiar with fight-or-flight responses to stress. But there’s a third survival response that gets far less attention: freeze.
The freeze response shows up as:
Difficulty initiating tasks, even simple ones
Feeling “stuck” or paralyzed even when something is important to you
Numbing out or dissociating (scrolling, zoning out, binge-watching)
Losing time or struggling to track what you’ve done all day
A deep sense of shame about not “doing enough”
In trauma therapy, we understand freeze as a nervous system state—not a moral failure. Your body is trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how. Especially if earlier life experiences taught you that trying and failing was dangerous (emotionally or otherwise), your system may default to shutting down rather than risking that pain again.
This is incredibly common in people with relational trauma, including inconsistent caregivers, high-conflict family environments, or emotional invalidation. It’s also common in neurodivergent folks (including those with ADHD) who grew up misunderstood or unsupported.
“Why Can’t I Just Push Through?”
If you’re used to white-knuckling your way through life, the freeze response can feel especially disorienting. Maybe you used to rely on pressure, panic, or perfectionism to “motivate” yourself—but that’s stopped working. You might wonder if you’re just getting worse, when in fact your system is just too overloaded to override anymore.
This is where trauma-informed psychotherapy becomes essential. Because it’s not about forcing yourself through burnout. It’s about listening to the parts of you that are scared, tired, or protecting you from failure—and helping them feel safe enough to unfreeze.
How Trauma Therapy Helps (Especially With Therapy Intensives)
In my DC- and Virginia-based trauma therapy practice, I use approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and EMDR to help clients explore what's really driving their stuckness—and gently begin to shift it.
Here’s what that might look like in therapy:
Getting to know the inner perfectionist and understanding what it’s afraid of
Meeting the part of you that freezes, with curiosity instead of shame
Learning how your body stores past experiences and how to regulate your nervous system in real time
Processing memories or beliefs that made achievement feel tied to worthiness or survival
Building capacity to take small, self-compassionate steps instead of swinging between burnout and shutdown
This is deep work—but it’s not about digging up trauma for trauma’s sake.
It’s about creating more ease, more clarity, and more choice in your day-to-day life.
And for those wanting to make real progress without the slow pace of weekly sessions, therapy intensives offer a focused, spacious alternative. With extended time—90 minutes or more—we’re not rushing to wrap up just as things get meaningful. Instead, we can go deeper, follow the thread, and create lasting shifts. I offer this format because I’ve seen how much more quickly my clients can move through what’s been keeping them stuck.
A More Compassionate Narrative
What if your so-called “laziness” was actually a sign of intelligence and resilience? What if the parts of you that avoid are trying to protect you from disappointment, failure, or shame?
This isn’t about excusing chronic avoidance—it’s about understanding it. When you treat these patterns as internal alarms instead of personal flaws, you can finally begin to change them.
And you don’t have to do that alone.
Who I Work With
Many of my clients are Millennial or Gen Z professionals, creatives, and highly sensitive folks who are used to “functioning well” on the outside—but feel disconnected, exhausted, or like something’s just off internally. They may struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, low self-worth, or unresolved relational trauma. Some have ADHD or identify as neurodivergent. Many describe a sense of being “too much” and “not enough” at the same time.
They’re not looking for surface-level coping skills. They want real insight, embodied change, and a therapist who gets how layered all of this is.
If that sounds like you, you’re in the right place.
Take the Next Step
If you're tired of feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or ashamed about your avoidance patterns, I’d be honored to support you. In our work together, we’ll explore not just what’s getting in your way—but why it’s there, and how to gently shift it.
Whether you’re in DC, Virginia, or anywhere in the area, I offer trauma-informed psychotherapy that addresses the whole self—mind, body, and internal parts. Healing is possible, and it doesn’t have to happen alone.
Looking for a trauma therapist in Washington, D.C. or Virginia who specializes in helping individuals navigate perfectionism & procrastination?
Take your first step towards feeling more grounded, more capable, and more connected to yourself.
(Washington, D.C. and Virginia residents only)
About the author
Margot Lamson, LICSW, is a licensed psychotherapist offering in-person and virtual therapy in Washington, D.C. and Virginia. She is trained in multiple trauma-focused approaches, including EMDR, IFS, and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy to support clients seeking meaningful and lasting healing. Margot also provides intensives, combining evidence-based and holistic techniques, to help clients achieve significant progress and feel better faster in a focused, supportive setting.
