TL;DR: You can know you’re capable, safe, or worthy — and still feel overwhelmed, ashamed, or reactive in the moment. That disconnect often isn’t about mindset or insight, but about emotional memories that never fully updated. EMDR therapy works directly with the brain’s emotional learning system, helping reduce automatic reactions and the intensity of self-doubt. Rather than forcing positive thinking, EMDR allows old beliefs to loosen naturally as the nervous system recognizes what’s true now. For many people, this creates real relief where logic alone hasn’t.

One of the most common things people say when they’re considering EMDR therapy is some version of this:

→ “I know I’m good enough… so why do I still feel like a piece of shit?”
or
→ “I know this situation isn’t actually harmful… so why do I react so strongly every time?”

If you’ve ever asked yourself that, you’re not alone — and you’re not broken.

For many people, the issue isn’t a lack of insight or self-awareness. It’s that your emotional brain hasn’t updated, even though your logical brain has.

This is exactly where EMDR therapy can help.

Why logic doesn’t always change how you feel

A lot of high-functioning, thoughtful people assume that once they understand why they feel or react a certain way, those patterns should soften.

Sometimes they do.
Often, they don’t.

upset girl clutching pillow and burying face it in — **You can logically know:**

you’re competent
you didn’t do anything wrong
the situation isn’t dangerous
you’re not actually being rejected
***…and still feel:***
ashamed
panicked
flooded
defensive
deeply inadequate

That gap between knowing and feeling is one of the most frustrating parts of anxiety, trauma, and self-doubt.

And it’s one of the clearest indicators that EMDR may be helpful.

Why emotional reactions can feel automatic and out of proportion

When people talk about “overreacting,” what they usually mean is:

“My reaction doesn’t match what’s actually happening.”

You might notice this when:

someone’s tone changes and you immediately feel unsafe
you make a small mistake and feel overwhelming shame
conflict sends you into panic or shutdown
criticism lingers long after the conversation ends

These reactions don’t come from nowhere. They’re shaped by earlier experiences where your brain learned something important about safety, worth, or connection.

In moments of emotional intensity — especially early in life — the brain forms quick conclusions like:

I’m not good enough.
I’m in trouble when people are upset.
I need to get this right to be okay.

Even when those beliefs are no longer accurate, they can still get activated automatically.

That’s because they’re stored in emotional memory — not logical reasoning.

Why talk therapy alone doesn’t always shift these patterns

Traditional talk therapy can be incredibly helpful for:

insight
understanding patterns
naming experiences
developing self-compassion

But many people find themselves saying:

“I’ve talked about this for years.”
“I understand where this comes from.”
“I know this belief isn’t true.”

…and yet, nothing really changes when it matters most.

That’s because:

→ logical understanding lives in one part of the brain

→ emotional learning lives in another

You can’t reason your way out of a reaction that’s being driven by emotional memory.

To change those reactions, therapy often needs to help the brain reprocess the original learning, not just analyze it.

How EMDR therapy works differently

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is designed to help the brain reprocess experiences that are still influencing how you feel and react in the present.

Rather than trying to convince yourself that a belief isn’t true, EMDR helps your brain update it at the emotional level.

In EMDR therapy, we work with:

experiences that shaped core beliefs about yourself or others
the emotions connected to those experiences
the present-day situations that still trigger strong reactions

woman laughing and holding little boy by the water — As the brain reprocesses this material, many people notice that:

old beliefs lose their emotional charge
reactions feel less intense or less immediate
situations that used to feel threatening feel more manageable
self-criticism feels quieter or less convincing
Not because you’re forcing change —
but because the brain has integrated new information.

EMDR and negative beliefs like “I’m not good enough”

One of the most powerful aspects of EMDR therapy is its ability to target negative core beliefs.

Beliefs like…

I’m not enough
I’m a problem
I’m going to mess this up
I’m not safe when people are upset

…often feel true, even when you intellectually know they aren’t.

That’s because these beliefs formed in moments when your nervous system was trying to make sense of something overwhelming.

EMDR helps loosen the grip of those beliefs by allowing the brain to recognize:

This isn’t happening anymore.

Over time, people often find that those beliefs shift into something more neutral and realistic — not artificially positive, just less punishing.

Why EMDR helps with emotional overreactions

If you find yourself thinking:

“Why do I always react like this?”
“Why does this keep happening even when I know better?”

EMDR therapy can help reduce the intensity and frequency of those reactions.

As old experiences are reprocessed, the brain becomes less likely to interpret present situations through the lens of past threat.

People often report:

more space before responding
less emotional flooding
reactions that pass more quickly
greater ability to stay present during difficult moments

The goal isn’t to stop reacting entirely.
It’s to react in proportion to what’s actually happening now.

Why EMDR isn’t about “thinking positive”

A common misconception about EMDR is that it’s about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

That’s not the goal.

EMDR doesn’t aim to make you unrealistically confident or disconnected from reality.
It helps remove beliefs that were formed under conditions that no longer apply.

What often emerges instead is something grounded and accurate:

I’m okay.
I can handle this.
This doesn’t mean what it used to.

That shift tends to feel relieving rather than forced.

When EMDR therapy is especially helpful

EMDR can be particularly helpful if:

you understand your patterns but still feel stuck
your reactions feel automatic or exaggerated
self-doubt doesn’t respond to reassurance
emotional responses linger longer than you’d like
insight hasn’t translated into relief

These are not signs that therapy isn’t working. They’re often signs that a different approach is needed.

EMDR and longer sessions or intensives

girl laughing with hand by face and humming bird tattoo on wrist — For some people, EMDR therapy works best when there’s more time.

Longer sessions or **EMDR intensives** can allow:
deeper focus without feeling rushed
space to fully work through a reaction cycle
time for integration before returning to daily life
This can be especially helpful if your reactions feel layered, longstanding, or tightly linked to core beliefs.

Intensives aren’t about pushing harder — they’re about creating enough space for real change to occur.

Click here to learn more about intensives.

A closing thought

If you’re tired of feeling like your emotions and reactions don’t match what you logically know to be true, EMDR therapy may be worth exploring.

Not because you need more insight — but because your system may still be operating on old information.

In our practice, you can work with:

Me, offering EMDR integrated with relational, trauma-informed therapy, including longer sessions and intensives (learn more about me here!)
Molly, who also works with EMDR and brings steadiness and care to work with anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional reactivity (learn more about Molly here!)

Therapy here isn’t about convincing yourself you’re fine. It’s about helping your brain recognize that you are.

Looking for a therapist in Washington, D.C. who specializes in EMDR to help you shift trauma-based reactions?

Take your first step towards updating your core beliefs and responding from the present, not the past.

Schedule a free consultation

(Washington, D.C., Virginia, and Maryland residents only)

About the author

Margot Lamson, LCSW-C is a licensed therapist with over 14 years of experience supporting clients in Washington, DC and Virginia. She specializes in trauma recovery, anxiety, ADHD, and relational challenges, and uses evidence-based approaches like EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy to help clients reduce anxiety, build self-compassion, and heal from the effects of past experiences. At Margot Lamson Therapy, she is committed to providing compassionate, expert care both in-person and online for clients across DC, Maryland, and Virginia.