Do You Feel ‘Too Much’ or ‘Not Enough’? Here’s What That Might Really Mean
Do you ever feel like you’re too sensitive, too intense, too emotional—like your presence somehow takes up more space than it should? Or maybe, on the flip side, you constantly feel not enough—not accomplished enough, not confident enough, not lovable enough.
If you find yourself bouncing between these two extremes, you're not alone. Many of my therapy clients—especially those with a history of relational trauma, perfectionism, or feeling misunderstood in childhood—describe living in this painful tug-of-war.
As a trauma therapist in Washington, DC and Virginia, I see these feelings not as personal flaws but as protective strategies rooted in lived experience. If this sounds familiar, it might be time to stop asking “What’s wrong with me?” and start exploring “What happened to me?”
The Too Much / Not Enough Paradox
Here’s something I hear often in therapy:
“Sometimes I feel like I take up too much space, and other times I feel like I’m invisible.”
It might sound contradictory, but these feelings often come from the same place: a nervous system shaped by early environments where your needs, feelings, or identity weren’t fully welcomed—or were inconsistently met.
→ Feeling “too much” often reflects shame about your emotional intensity, sensitivity, creativity, or depth.
→ Feeling “not enough” tends to reflect internalized beliefs about your worth, competence, or lovability.
And the hardest part? These two states often flip back and forth, leaving you feeling constantly off-balance.
Where These Feelings Come From
These core beliefs don’t just come out of nowhere. Often, they trace back to subtle (or overt) forms of relational trauma:
These core beliefs don’t just come out of nowhere. Often, they trace back to subtle (or overt) forms of relational trauma:
→ Growing up with emotionally unavailable or unpredictable caregivers
→ Being the “sensitive” or “dramatic” one in the family
→ Being praised only for achievement, not for who you were
→ Being told—directly or indirectly—that your feelings were “too much” to handle
→ Feeling like you had to earn love through performance, caretaking, or being “the easy one”
When these experiences are repeated, your nervous system adapts. Parts of you may learn to shrink, overfunction, or numb out to maintain attachment and avoid rejection. Other parts might over-express, seek constant reassurance, or live in a state of hypervigilance, trying to never make a mistake.
Why Insight Alone Doesn’t Solve It
You might already understand where these beliefs came from. Maybe you’ve journaled about it, read self-help books, or talked it through with friends. But the feelings still show up.
That’s because these patterns don’t live in your logical mind alone. They’re also stored in your body, nervous system, and subconscious parts of you that were shaped by survival—not reason.
That’s where trauma-informed psychotherapy comes in. Specifically, I use approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and EMDR to help clients move beyond insight into real, embodied change.
Healing Means Getting to Know Your Inner System
In IFS, we understand that we’re not just one monolithic “self.” We’re made up of parts—each with its own history, emotions, and protective role.
You might have:
A part that feels like a burden, always worried about being “too much”
A perfectionist part that tries to compensate by being everything to everyone
A shut-down part that believes staying small is the only way to be safe
An inner critic that constantly measures your worth against impossible standards
In trauma therapy, we don’t try to get rid of these parts—we build relationships with them. We help them understand they don’t have to work so hard. We let the parts of you that feel shame or fear finally tell their story and begin to release their pain.
Working with the Body, Not Just the Mind
Because so many of these beliefs are held on a felt-sense level, it’s also important to work with the body.
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy helps clients:
Notice how “too much” or “not enough” shows up physically (tight chest, collapsed posture, racing heart, etc.)
Learn to regulate the nervous system when old feelings are triggered
Experiment with new, empowering physical experiences (like taking up space or holding boundaries)
In trauma therapy, small embodied shifts can lead to big emotional shifts. You might start to notice you breathe a little easier. Speak a little more clearly. Feel a little more whole.
Learn more about Sensorimotor Psychotherapy here!
What Healing Can Look Like
Clients often ask me: “Will I ever stop feeling like this?”
The short answer is yes—but it doesn’t happen overnight. Healing these beliefs requires gentle, consistent work. But I’ve seen people move from:
Over-apologizing to self-advocating
Hiding their ideas to sharing them with confidence
Obsessing over not being “good enough” to seeing their worth clearly
Over-performing to finally resting without guilt
The goal of trauma-informed psychotherapy isn’t to turn you into someone else. It’s to help you feel more like you—the version of yourself that’s calm, confident, and connected.
And if you're ready to go deeper without waiting months to feel movement, a therapy intensive could be the right next step. Instead of stretching things out in shorter sessions, we’ll have the space and time—90 minutes or more—to stay with what’s coming up and follow it through. That’s why I offer these extended formats: they allow for clarity and change to emerge more quickly and meaningfully.
Learn more about therapy intensives here!
You Are Not Broken—You Were Shaped
If there’s one thing I want you to take from this, it’s this:
You are not too much. You are not not enough. You are exactly how a wise, adaptive system responded to what it went through.
The parts of you that learned to stay small, overperform, hide your needs, or constantly scan the room for safety—they weren’t mistakes. They were brilliant responses to environments that didn’t offer the safety, consistency, or emotional attunement you needed. As kids, when something feels off or unsafe in the people we depend on, the only bearable explanation is to blame ourselves. It feels safer to believe, “If I just do better or be less, maybe I’ll be loved,” than to face the overwhelming truth that we’re not getting what we need.
But here’s the thing: those strategies, while once protective, may now be keeping you stuck.
Your system might not yet realize that you’re no longer in that same environment—that today, you have more capacity, more options, and more agency than you did back then.
Trauma therapy helps your whole system begin to catch up to the present.
We untangle those outdated survival strategies, help your protective parts feel less burdened, and reconnect you to the grounded, wise, worthy self that’s always been there beneath the fear.
Who I Work With
I specialize in working with thoughtful, creative, and high-achieving Millennials and Gen Z professionals—especially those who are used to being the “strong one” or “smart one,” but privately feel unworthy, unseen, or chronically overwhelmed. Many of my clients identify as neurodivergent, empathic, or deeply sensitive.
They’re not looking for symptom management—they want depth, integration, and a therapist who really gets how layered and tender this work can be.
Whether you’re navigating anxiety, perfectionism, relational trauma, or a complex blend of all three—I’m here to support your process in a way that honors all of you.
Take the Next Step
If you’re ready to stop feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough” and start feeling more grounded in your own worth, therapy can help.
I offer trauma-informed psychotherapy in DC and Virginia, with a focus on EMDR, IFS, and body-based healing. Together, we’ll gently unravel the old stories keeping you stuck—and support the version of you that knows it’s safe to show up fully.
Looking for a trauma therapist in Washington, D.C. or Virginia who can help you heal from past experiences and reconnect with truest self?
Take your first step towards shifting a life of survival into a life of empowerment.
(Washington, D.C. and Virginia residents only)
About the author
Margot Lamson, LICSW, is a licensed psychotherapist offering in-person and virtual therapy in Washington, D.C. and Virginia. She is trained in multiple trauma-focused approaches, including EMDR, IFS, and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy to support clients seeking meaningful and lasting healing. Margot also provides intensives, combining evidence-based and holistic techniques, to help clients achieve significant progress and feel better faster in a focused, supportive setting.
