Why It’s So Hard to Trust Yourself—And How Therapy Can Help You Rebuild That Trust
You finally speak with clarity—what you want, what feels right—and almost immediately, you undercut it.
“I think I need space from that friendship... but maybe I’m just overreacting.”
“I know I’ve done a good job... but it probably wasn’t that hard.”
“I want to say no... but I don’t want to be selfish.”
Sound familiar?
For many of my clients, self-doubt doesn’t always come through dramatic breakdowns or obvious anxiety. It shows up more quietly—in the form of constant reassurance-seeking, mental spiraling after conversations, or needing someone else to validate every decision before it feels real.
They don’t say “I don’t trust myself” in so many words.
But their nervous systems are carrying that message loud and clear.
And here’s what I want you to know: this kind of self-questioning isn’t a personal failure. It’s often a natural, protective adaptation to earlier environments where your inner signals were ignored, minimized, or punished.
The good news?
Self-trust isn’t a trait you either have or don’t. It’s something that can be slowly, gently rebuilt—and therapy can help you get there.
Where Self-Doubt Comes From (It’s Deeper Than May You Think)
People often assume self-trust comes from knowing what you’re doing—being competent, logical, or decisive. But many of the people I work with are already incredibly capable. They’re thoughtful, hardworking, emotionally intelligent—and still feel unsure of themselves at their core.
That’s because self-doubt usually doesn’t come from a lack of skills. It comes from a history of having your perceptions questioned, your emotions dismissed, or your needs ignored.
Common Origins of Chronic Self-Doubt:
Growing up with emotionally inconsistent caregivers where staying attuned to them felt safer than staying attuned to yourself
Being praised for performance, compliance, or perfection rather than authenticity
Having your boundaries overridden (even subtly), so you learned to disconnect from what you want or don’t want
Experiencing gaslighting, manipulation, or trauma that distorted your sense of reality
Living in environments that pathologized sensitivity or intuition
When you’re raised or shaped in these kinds of environments, it makes total sense that your nervous system would learn:
“If I listen to myself, I might mess this up. I should check in with someone else first.”
This is what kept you safe back then. But it’s not what helps you thrive now.
The Nervous System Side of Self-Trust
Self-trust doesn’t live in your thoughts alone. It’s deeply embodied.
If your nervous system has spent years in a state of hypervigilance—always bracing for criticism, disappointment, or rupture—it’s hard to feel grounded in your own knowing.
Instead, you may:
Freeze when it’s time to make a decision
Shut down after setting a boundary
Feel physically tense or nauseous when you try to advocate for yourself
This is why affirmations like “just trust yourself” often fall flat. You can’t force self-trust with logic alone. You have to help your whole system feel safe enough to risk trusting again.
This is where trauma-informed therapy, especially modalities like EMDR, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and Internal Family Systems (IFS), can make a profound difference.
The Role of Parts Work: It's Not That You're Broken—You're Protecting Yourself
In IFS (Internal Family Systems), we understand that self-doubt often comes from protective parts that learned to keep you small, quiet, agreeable, or hypervigilant to avoid danger or shame.
In IFS (Internal Family Systems), we understand that self-doubt often comes from protective parts that learned to keep you small, quiet, agreeable, or hypervigilant to avoid danger or shame.
→ The part of you that spirals after sending a text? It remembers what happened the last time you spoke up.
→ The part that asks three friends before making a decision? It learned it wasn’t safe to go it alone.
→ The part that minimizes your accomplishments? It’s trying to beat others to the criticism.
These strategies developed for a reason. And they’ve worked. But they might not know yet that you’re in a different environment now—one where you have more choice, more support, and more power than before.
Trauma therapy helps you reconnect to a steadier, more grounded version of yourself—not by forcing confidence, but by helping those protective parts feel less burdened and more supported.
What Self-Doubt Can Look Like (Even When It’s Subtle)
You replay conversations, looking for what you said “wrong”
You constantly apologize or over-explain
You check in with multiple people before making even small decisions
You delay action because you’re afraid of messing up
You agree to things quickly, then feel uneasy afterward
You rarely feel proud of yourself without outside validation
These patterns are often dismissed as personality quirks or “overthinking.” But they’re signs of a deeper disconnection—from your instincts, your boundaries, your inner compass.
Therapy is where you can begin to come home to yourself again.
What Rebuilding Self-Trust Looks Like in Therapy (And How Intensives Can Be Extra Helpful)
There’s no quick fix for rebuilding self-trust. But there is a path. And it’s made up of small, powerful shifts that accumulate over time.
In our work together, we might:
Explore the real origins of your self-doubt with compassion and curiosity
Use EMDR to process memories or messages that made self-trust feel unsafe
Support your nervous system in feeling more settled and less reactive
Help you notice and stay with your gut instincts—even when they’re unfamiliar
Develop a relationship with your protective parts that’s collaborative, not combative
And if you’re looking to dive into this work more quickly and deeply, a therapy intensive might be just the right fit for you. Rather than slowly chipping away at this work, we can make breakthroughs quicker in 90 mins or more time frames.
Learn more about therapy intensives here!
Clients often begin to notice:
→ “I made that decision and didn’t ask anyone else if it was okay.”
→ “I said no without apologizing.”
→ “I felt proud of myself and let it land.”
It’s not about becoming perfectly confident. It’s about becoming more internally anchored.
Self-Trust as a Trauma Recovery Skill
For many of us, rebuilding self-trust isn’t just a personal growth goal—it’s core to trauma recovery.
When you can listen to your body, know your truth, and stand by your own perspective with compassion?
→ That’s freedom. That’s resilience. That’s healing.
If you’re seeking mental health support in DC or Virginia and you relate to what you’ve read here, this kind of therapy is available to you. You don’t have to keep outsourcing your decisions, mistrusting your instincts, or second-guessing your way through life.
Take the Next Step
If you’re ready to stop spiraling in self-doubt and start rebuilding a grounded, trusting relationship with yourself, I’d love to help.
I specialize in trauma therapy, EMDR, somatic psychotherapy, and Internal Family Systems (IFS), serving adults across Washington, DC and Virginia. And therapy intensives sessions can allow you to more quickly meet your goals and needs. My approach is collaborative, individualized, and deeply respectful of everything your system has done to protect you.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Looking for a trauma therapist in Washington, D.C. or Virginia who can help you get to the root of your self-doubt and begin to find your truth?
Take your first step towards greater clarity, confidence, and inner trust.
(Washington, D.C. and Virginia residents only)
About the author
Margot Lamson, LICSW, is a licensed psychotherapist offering in-person and virtual therapy in Washington, D.C. and Virginia. She is trained in multiple trauma-focused approaches, including EMDR, IFS, and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy to support clients seeking meaningful and lasting healing. Margot also provides intensives, combining evidence-based and holistic techniques, to help clients achieve significant progress and feel better faster in a focused, supportive setting.
