Have You Tried EMDR Before and Felt Stuck?
TL;DR: When EMDR feels overwhelming, blocked, or destabilizing, it’s often not a sign that the therapy “failed,” but that protective parts stepped in to keep you safe. An IFS-informed approach helps slow the pace, build internal consent, and include those protective responses rather than pushing past them. When parts feel respected, EMDR tends to feel steadier, more accessible, and more integrated. For many clients, longer sessions or intensives create the time and safety needed for deeper, lasting change. Healing doesn’t have to be forced to be effective.
This is something I see come up again and again in my clinical work.
Many clients come to me interested in EMDR — but hesitant — because they’ve tried EMDR before and felt stuck, overwhelmed, or even worse afterward.
They describe experiences like:
feeling flooded or overwhelmed once processing started
getting “blocked” or unable to move through a memory
shutting down, dissociating, or going numb mid-session
leaving sessions feeling raw or destabilized rather than relieved
being told they were “resistant,” “not ready,” or “too defended”
Over time, these experiences can leave people feeling discouraged or turned off from EMDR altogether. Some worry that something is “wrong” with them, or that they somehow failed at therapy.
What I’ve found — clinically and repeatedly — is that this usually isn’t a sign that EMDR doesn’t work for these clients.
More often, it’s a sign that protective parts stepped in because the work was moving faster than the nervous system could tolerate.
From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, that “stuckness” isn’t a failure — it’s information.
And it’s exactly why I pursued more integrative training in EMDR and IFS.
When EMDR Feels Like Too Much, Too Fast
EMDR is a powerful therapy. When it works well, it can help the nervous system reprocess distressing experiences in a way that brings relief, clarity, and a sense of resolution.
But power without pacing can backfire.
For some people — especially those with complex trauma histories, attachment wounds, or long-standing anxiety and perfectionism — traditional EMDR can move faster than their internal system feels safe with.
When that happens, protective parts do what they’re designed to do: they intervene.
They may:
shut down emotional access
create mental fog or blankness
intensify anxiety or physical discomfort
pull you out of the present moment
block memories or images from forming
These responses aren’t resistance. They’re protective intelligence.
Your system is saying, “This doesn’t feel safe yet.”
Why Forcing EMDR Often Backfires
Sometimes people assume the solution is to “push through” discomfort — to keep going, try harder, or override whatever feels blocked.
But pushing past protective parts tends to create:
more internal conflict
increased emotional reactivity
a sense of losing control
EMDR sessions that feel intense but not integrated
lingering distress after sessions instead of relief
If a part of you believes EMDR is dangerous — because it feels overwhelming, destabilizing, or retraumatizing — forcing the process only confirms its fears.
That part learns, “I was right. No one is listening.”
And once that happens, protectors often get stronger, not softer.
Listening first changes everything.
How IFS Transforms the EMDR Process
When EMDR is combined with Internal Family Systems (IFS), the work shifts in a fundamental way.
Instead of asking:
“How do we get past this part?”
We ask:
“What does this part need in order to feel safe enough?”
That question alone can dramatically change the experience of EMDR.
An IFS-informed EMDR approach may involve:
→ slowing the pace of processing
→ checking in with protective parts before starting
→ building more internal and external resources
→ helping parts understand what EMDR is — and isn’t
→ clarifying that the adult Self is present and in charge
→ negotiating clear boundaries around how deep to go
→ allowing parts to observe rather than participate at first
When parts feel respected, they often soften naturally — not because they’re convinced or overridden, but because they no longer feel ignored or threatened.
In my experience, this makes an enormous difference.
Clients who previously felt blocked or overwhelmed in EMDR often find that, with a parts-informed approach:
processing feels more accessible
sessions feel steadier and less intense
they can move through material that once felt impossible
progress feels organic rather than forced
integration happens more naturally after sessions
Instead of getting stuck, the system begins to cooperate.
EMDR, Parts, and Negative Core Beliefs
Many of the beliefs targeted in EMDR — such as:
“I’m not good enough”
“I’m unsafe”
“I’m too much”
“I’m a problem”
— are often carried by specific parts that learned these conclusions in moments of threat, shame, or emotional overwhelm.
IFS helps us understand:
which part holds the belief
when and why that belief first formed
what the belief once protected you from
why it still feels true, even when you logically know it isn’t
Without this understanding, EMDR can sometimes feel like it’s arguing with the belief rather than transforming it.
When parts are included, EMDR works differently.
Instead of reprocessing over the part, we reprocess with it.
That reduces internal backlash and allows new, more adaptive beliefs to land in a way the system can actually accept.
Why This Matters for Emotional Reactions Today
Many people seek EMDR not just because of the past, but because of present-day reactions that feel confusing or out of proportion.
You might notice:
intense shame after small mistakes
panic or shutdown during conflict
emotional flooding that feels sudden and uncontrollable
strong reactions you “know” don’t make sense — but still feel real
IFS helps clarify that these reactions are often driven by protective parts responding to perceived threat, not the present moment itself.
Those parts are reacting based on old information.
When EMDR reprocesses the experiences that taught those parts what to fear — and those parts feel supported rather than overridden — present-day reactions often soften.
Not because you’re forcing yourself to “react differently,” but because your system no longer needs to protect you in the same way.
Why Longer Sessions or Intensives Can Be Especially Helpful
Parts-informed EMDR often benefits from having more time.
When sessions are rushed, protective parts may stay on high alert. There’s pressure to “get somewhere,” which can recreate the very conditions that made EMDR feel unsafe before.
Longer sessions or intensives allow space for:
checking in with protective parts at the beginning
building internal consent before processing
allowing the nervous system to settle into the work
pausing or adjusting without feeling rushed
completing processing more fully
integrating shifts before ending the session
For people with strong protectors, time itself creates safety.
It allows EMDR to unfold at the pace your system actually needs — not the pace a clock demands.
Learn more about intensives here.
In Closing
If you’re interested in EMDR therapy but have felt hesitant — especially if you’ve tried it before and felt stuck, overwhelmed, or shut down — that doesn’t mean EMDR isn’t right for you.
Often, it means your system needed:
a slower pace
more preparation
deeper respect for protective parts
or a more integrative approach
When EMDR is combined with IFS and grounded in collaboration and consent, change doesn’t have to be forced.
It can unfold in a way that actually feels supportive, steady, and empowering.
Working With Us
In our practice, you can work with:
Me, offering EMDR integrated with IFS, relational, trauma-informed therapy, including longer sessions and intensives
Molly, who also works with EMDR and IFS and brings particular care and thoughtfulness to anxiety, perfectionism, and emotional reactivity
If you’re curious about EMDR but want a version that listens to your system rather than pushing past it, we’re here to help you explore that — at a pace that feels right.
Looking for a therapist in Washington, D.C. who specializes in integrating EMDR and Internal Family Systems?
Take your first step towards steadier processing, nervous-system safety, and collaborative trauma healing.
(Washington D.C., Virginia, and Maryland residents only)
About the author
Margot Lamson, LCSW-C is a licensed therapist with over 14 years of experience supporting clients in Washington, DC and Virginia. She specializes in trauma recovery, anxiety, ADHD, and relational challenges, and uses evidence-based approaches like EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy to help clients reduce anxiety, build self-compassion, and heal from the effects of past experiences. At Margot Lamson Therapy, she is committed to providing compassionate, expert care both in-person and online for clients across DC, Maryland, and Virginia.
