The internet loves a tidy mantra. Enter: Mel Robbins' "Let Them" theory. It's gone viral for a reason. The concept is simple and empowering: if someone wants to leave, disappoint you, or act in a way you can't control? Let them. Release the grip. Stay in your own lane. Focus on your own peace.

Sounds good, right? And for many, it is a powerful mindset shift. But if you live with anxiety—especially the kind rooted in relational wounds or trauma—"letting them" isn't just hard. It can feel downright impossible.

When people think of anxiety, they often think of racing thoughts, excessive worrying, or mental spirals. But for many, anxiety starts in the body: a racing heart, shallow breath, tense muscles, or a gut that just won't settle. And when those sensations show up without a clear trigger, it can feel disorienting—or even shameful.

But here's what you need to know: your nervous system is not always working with the most current information.

If you’re someone who thrives on productivity and ambition, it might feel counterintuitive to question whether those qualities could actually be a form of high-functioning anxiety. After all, you’re managing your responsibilities, achieving goals, and even excelling in some areas. But beneath the surface, does it feel sustainable—or is it starting to take a toll?

As a therapist specializing in trauma recovery, I work with many clients who identify with these patterns, and one thing I admire about them is their innate drive to figure themselves out. There’s often a deep curiosity that draws them into therapy—a desire to make sense of the cycles they’re stuck in and learn how to live in a way that feels more fulfilling. And what I’ve found over time is that when these clients soften and begin to show themselves compassion, incredible growth and healing unfold.